"The Jump" and Why It Is Important

There's one thing I failed to tell you about our trip to the beach.  One story.  I omitted it because honestly I thought some of you may be frightened by it.  I sure was.  But the more I think it over, the more important I think it was.

When we first arrived Friday night, everyone was excited.  We opened the doors, unpacked the car, and stretched our legs.  It was already early evening, so we decided to go out for dinner.  Chris, William, and John took the dog out.  I went to the restroom and left Philip and Daniel on the balcony.

Our unit is on the second floor.  The balcony is quite safe...completely surrounded by a brand new railing that is very secure.  Underneath us is another unit's balcony surrounded by grass.

I thought nothing of leaving Philip and Daniel out there alone.  When I returned from the bathroom, only Daniel was on the porch.  I asked where Philip went and he replied, "he jumped."  Daniel was calm and matter of fact.

I ran to the door to find Philip screaming and coming up the stairs.  He was covered in blood...his face and arm especially.  I was dumbfounded.  While Philip can be quite a climbing monkey, he almost always has good judgment.  His father firmly asked, "Son, what were you thinking?"

We cleaned up all the blood and were glad that it appeared he only had a busted lip.  He explained that he heard Dad outside talking, didn't see anyone inside, and was afraid we were leaving him.  I think this explanation was an afterthought.  My boys seem pretty secure that we would never leave them and Daniel, who is most anxiety wrought, was very calm when I met him on the porch....stating only, "he jumped."

So why did he do it?  I simply think he did it because he thought he could.  James Dobson says in his Bringing Up Boys, "one of the scariest aspects of raising boys is their tendency to risk life and limb for no good reason."  I have read many parenting books about raising boys...most state in some form or fashion that a parent's one goal is to keep them alive past adolescence.  Big job.

So then why do I think his jump is important.  As parents, we intuitively protect our children from pain.  But pain teaches lessons.  Don't get me wrong, had I been on the porch, I would have definitely said NO!  However, I wasn't, and I think that's okay.

Chris just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell's Blink.  While I haven't read it, he has told me just about everything in the book...think verbal Cliff Notes.  In it, Gladwell discusses how the sub-conscious makes decisions quickly based on previous experiences.  Aha!  Perhaps somewhere down the road, Philip will be forced to make a quick decision and this experience will guide that.   Maybe it's attaching the safety harness when climbing a tree during a deer hunt.  Maybe it's a peer pressure induced jump to impress his buddies.

As a mother to four growing little boys, I sometimes feel as if I am constantly running a risk assessment in my head.  Possible head injury, no go.  Potential for bruises or cuts, try it.

For example, several weeks ago, Philip and Daniel decided to try riding their bikes down the steep grassy hill in our front yard.  A neighbor the same age thought about it too.  His father held him back, stating that it wasn't a wise decision.  I let mine go.  Helmets on, I decided the most likely injury would be scratched up arms and legs.  Turns out, we had none.  They do it all the time now.

Boys need to take risks.  Parents need to let them.  We certainly can't protect them from everything forever. Why not give them the space to make mistakes while our influence still holds weight.  Let's build up their sub-conscious with small errors, so they can make better decisions when it really matters.  Of course, let's keep them alive, too!